A really bad start to an abandoned novel idea. Novel is the word.

James pushes his coffee mug out of the way. It is a distraction. He knows that he needs to concentrate, but he feels like everything is conspiring to prevent this. The culmination of the last eight months of work is just out of reach. Of course, he knows that he has nobody to blame but himself, but the temptation is simply too great. James Fleet is a mathematician. He doesn’t call himself a mathematician. It’s not quite glamorous enough for him. “J. Fleet, Numerical Logician” is what it says on his business cards, or the insignificant pieces of paper that he calls business cards. When he prints them on the library printer he is often thanked for his patronage by the librarians with a kindly acid stare.
“You are a mathematician Jay, why do you need cards?” His friends would say. Jay was their pet name for him. He didn’t like it, but then, he didn’t particularly like James either. His opinion is that he wouldn’t need cards for much longer. They would say that he wouldn’t have friends for much longer, if he carried on as he was. He knew what they were saying, or he thought he did, but to him The Project was just too important. —WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. AM I WRITING A NEW VERSION OF PI- THE MOVIE? I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP. YEAH. OKAY. RIGHT. I AM DONE NOW. I’LL PROBABLY POST THIS AS A BLOG POST…—

Not a Resturaunt Review:

Other guests arrive in limousines, while I walk, on foot, in my sensible, comfortable and cheap shoes. I am showed in, abrasively, I am asked for my reservation number. I give it to them, and am shown to the worst table for one in the restaurant. The tablecloth is stained, the lighting is bad, and there is mould on the wall. After what seems like an age of attention attraction, a waiter finally decides not to ignore my pleas for service. I order from the menu that I have memorised, confusing the waiter in the process. My meal is late, but still hot. Despite the bad table, service and arrival, the meal is exquisite, and I am quickly filled by the jollity that such food brings. I request another dish, for an old acquaintance of mine, that I had seen on my entrance to this venue. Of course, the staff cannot allow me to pay by card, but I manage to pay the bill with the smallest of change. As I leave, the cloakroom is unattended, and I wait for ten minutes before being told that my coat is missing. I leave this place for the most blissful walk of my week, the cool night air brushing my rainbow coloured face as I gently stroll past the hundreds of sodium-orange street lamps on my way home.

Top Ten Bestsellers of the Decade

Harry Potter and the Potter’s Wheel (Pottery tricks from JK Rorling’s master magician)

Harry Potter and the Potter’s Bar (The Middlesex set sequel to the potter’s wheel)

Harry Potter takes a pot-shot

Harry Potter Smokes Pot (J.K. Rayleigh’s precocious prodigy goes off his potty)

Harry Potter and the Publisher’s Invoice (The latest money-spinner from JK Rattlidge)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azerbaijan (reworking of Potter for the eastern European market from JR Heartley)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Kazakhstan (Reworking of the Azeri version for previously offended Kazakhs from JKLMNOP)

Harry Potter and the Butcher of Baghdad (Anti-Islamic reworking of Potter from JFK)

Harry Potter and the Blind Railwayman of Caergeiliog (Thinly veiled Tolkien tribute by JK of Jamiroquai)

Harry Potter and the Quangle Wangle Qwe by RF Delderfield.

Clive’s Top Reads 2010

I have preferences based on different factors. Here are the top in the following categories:

Humour: Retromancer by Robert Rankin is similar in style to the writings of Terry Pratchett, although it has a much heavier emphasis on parody and humour. The plot itself has quite a lot in the way of discontinuity from the previous books in the ‘trilogy’, although that is part of the charm and, indeed, the plot.

Analysis: An Abundance Of Katherines by… An author I cannot remember. I know that as a nerdfighter I should have read it by now, but it is not sold in England, at least… Not widely. When I finally did get around to reading it, I was fascinated. For some reason I HAD to understand every little thing. Why he made Colin vomit on multiple occasions, the meanings behind the names…

Enjoyment: Sorry. I’ve done it again. The winner of this section is Paper Towns. As I reread my favourite of John Green’s novels I once again found myself stuck fast. Paper Towns is a quicksand that you cannot escape from. The more you know you should put it down, the less you find yourself able to. Cover to cover in less than twenty four hours. Of this I am proud.

Classic: I recently read Mary Shelly’s The Mortal Immortal for the second time. It made much more sense; I could finally look beyond the flowery archaic language and see the ideas that shivered naked in my mental field of view. I would recommend it, but I think it is a bit of an acquired read.

My Favourite Mathematics Quote

“Many who have had an opportunity of knowing any more about mathematics confuse it with arithmetic, and consider it an arid science. In reality, however, it is a science which requires a great amount of imagination.” – Sofia Kovalevskaya